Adventures in Peru Part One: Goods and Services
-Nick Twining
Yes, it's true. I went to Peru - land of the Llama, home to the Incan Empire.
First I would like to thank Peru for providing me with such succulent dishes as baked Guinea Pig. It's nice to finally have the opportunity to eat those animals we usually keep as pets here in the US. Now I can walk into an elementary school, saunter up to their class pet's cage, and hopefully tell the kids, "Hey, that's a tasty looking guinea pig you got there. Can I eat it?"
Sadly I never had a chance to eat the little bastards as they were fairly expensive (for Peru), probably the equivalent of five dollars or so. Instead, I decided to try the El Paca, a mammal that closely resembles the Llama. The El Paca is known most for its fine furs which are coveted by the indigenous weavers of the nation. These old ladies use the fur of the El Paca to make funny hats and colorful bags which they market almost solely to tourists. Since most of the tourists my age are the kind of hippies who never saw the 70's but still smell like they did, the sweaters are usually the sort of colors and patterns that make you wonder if its known locally as 'the excrement of rainbow'. Naturally, I bought many of these items.
Of all the different El Paca furs the baby kind is coveted most. It's the softest and strongest fiber of the Paca family and is incredibly expensive. However, having visited an El Paca 'factory', which consisted of a small building with old ladies who sat around sowing all day, I am a little confused. According to the tour guide of the factory, "All baby El Paca products from them were baby El Paca," where as, "All baby El Paca purchased on the street are," and I am quoting, "maybe El Paca." This was clearly the cleverest thing the man had ever said and it was quite evident that he believed his joke may cause some of the old people to explode. They didn't. He went on to explain that most of the sweaters on the street were manufactured with machines in big factories and were made of such horribly unnatural threads like polyester, linen, or even cotton. That was worrying to me because it meant entire factories were devoted to the satisfaction of both hippies and the colorblind. Bill Cosby would have felt at home.
Peru offers other services as well. Not a day went by without some kid running up to me and asking if I wanted my shoes polished. When this happened I would glance down, pause for effect, and then say, unconvincingly, "nahhhh." Anything you say in Peru that isn't a hundred percent definitive is seen as weakness. If you were a Guinea Pig at this point you'd be dead. Fortunately, I wasn't. So the kid simply stated again.
"Very Cheap, I polish shoes." I'd answer again in the negative but this time with side note. "I don't think sneakers are meant to be polished." With this he would casually dismiss me as crazy and solicit another hippy in hopes of polishing his sandals.
Another service is paying locals to be in your pictures. It's very popular with the older tourists to take pictures of 'authentic' Peruvian people and it only costs one or two Nuevo soles (the currency there). These authentic people advertise themselves by displaying a llama or two. If you see the animal it usually means you have to pay to take pictures - a method which bypasses the pesky Spanish language barrier. Generally these people are wearing the customary rainbow puke colors and look as if they subside almost solely on Inca cola, llama, and shoe polish. Some, however, do opt to wear silly looking pure white uniforms, which look like a cross between an Amish getup and a circus clown. They are generally ignored as too well off.
Before I go I wanted to preface that on our first day my fellow traveler read to me a warning passage from the Guide to Peru book. It said that we shouldn't take maps or the guidebook out in public because it would identify us as tourists. Right. Like the people would think I was a local since I'm a six foot white guy amongst five foot Latin people. Thanks for the heads up, guide book. I'm going to go drink out of the water spigot round the back of the bar now, that seems safe.
Anyhow I will leave that as the first of, hopefully, many entries documenting my time in Peru. Next time I shall discuss some of the fantastic sites like Machu Picchu, Cusco, and a number of other places whose names I will misspell. Pictures to follow as well...
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